One Morning in Bangkok

Room Service: Morny, rune sor-bees.
Hotel Guest: Oh sorry, I thought I dialed room service.
Room Service: Rye, rune sore-bees. Morny. Jewish to ordor sunteen?
Hotel Guest: I'd like some bacon and eggs.
Room Service: Ow July then?
Hotel Guest: What?
Room Service: Aches. Ow July then? Pry, boy, pooch..?
Hotel Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, Scrambled please.
Room Service: Ow July thee Baycome? Crease?
Hotel Guest: Crisp will be fine.
Room Service: Okay. An Santos?
Hotel Guest: Ugh.....I don't know....I don't think so.
Room Service: No? Judo one toes?
Hotel Guest: Look, I really feel bad about this, but I just don't know what judo one toes means, I'm sorry.
Room Service: Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan toes? Ow bow eengligh mopping we bother?
Hotel Guest: English Muffin! I've got it! Toast! You were saying toast! Fine. An English Muffin will be fine.
Room Service: We Bother?
Hotel Guest: No, just put the bother on the side.
Room Service: Wad?
Hotel Guest: I'm sorry. I meant butter. Butter on the side.
Room Service: Copy?
Hotel Guest: I feel terrible about this, but ....
Room Service: Copy. Copy, tea, mill.
Hotel Guest: Coffee! Yes coffee please. And that's all.
Room Service: One minnie. Ass rune torino-fie, strangle aches, crease, Baycome, tossy eengligh mopping we bother honey sight, and copy. Rye?
Hotel Guest: Whatever you say.
Room Service: Okay, Tenjewberrymud.
Hotel Guest: You're welcome.

Cannibals

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man.

The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, came this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her." "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Someone has stolen our tent!"

You're a smart monkey

A: I want to tell you a story, B.
B: Okay. Go ahead.

A: Once upon a time there was a talking monkey with its owner asking some questions. Their conversation goes like this...

"the owner: What is that?"
"monkey: It's a bridge."
"the owner: You're a smart monkey. Now, where is the sun?"
"monkey: Behind the cloud."
"the owner: You're a smart monkey. Last question. Who are you?"

A: Okay, B. Can you guess what the monkey answered?
B: Duhh... of course it would answer "I am a monkey."
A: Heheh... so you're a monkey, eh?
B: Cehhh...

Little Nancy

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up," and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

Camel Questions

The little camel went to his mother and asked, "Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?"
She looked on him lovingly and replied, "You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there's sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don't get lost."

"Oh!" he said. "And why do we have such huge feet?

"Well," she said, "they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes."

"Wow," he said, "great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?"

"You see," his mother informed, "we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?"

"Well, mother," said the young camel, "I was just wondering, if we've got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?"

My Son is in Medical College!

Ah Beng : I am proud because my son is in Medical College.
Friend : Really? What is he studying?
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying. They are studying him!

TV Not Missing

Ah Beng complained to the police : Sir, all my items are missing except the TV in my house.
Police : How come the thief did not take the TV?
Ah Beng : Well... I was watching the news on TV...

Criticize

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away.
And you have their shoes.

hahahaha macam lah saya tak kut

@andifaris>
Heheh berani ekk?
@ilah>
Kena faham lawak tu betul-betul ^_^

Turn on Your Computer!

Haris : " Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand? "

Chuah : " My right hand. "

Haris : " Amazing! Most people have to use the on/off switch. "

Deaf?

A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space.

Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to me young man, I'm stone deaf."

Just a Wave

Two fishermen were out in their boat one day when a hand appeared out of the water.

"What's that?" asked the first fisherman. "It looks like someone's drowning."

"Nonsense," said the second. "It was just a little wave."